Unmotivated Bastard

Why, when you know you need to lose weight, is it so hard to motivate yourself?  Getting up off of your ass is the hardest thing in the world, and I can’t figure out why.

Last year, I lost a total of about 20 pounds without actually doing much of anything, which I feel is commendable.  I read the “Eat This, Not That” books, found out that so much of the food I liked to eat was beyond horrible for me (ie french fries) and simply gave up a lot of crap.  I had already stopped with soda (I’m proud to say it’s been over a year with the soda thing), but I gave up french fries and milkshakes, went sparing with a lot of other crap, drank fuck tons of water (last summer, it was between 5 and 7 liters a day, but during the winter it petered off to about 3 liters) and off came a few pounds.  So yay.  I’ve managed to mostly maintain this for about a year now, so even better.  However, I’ve been eating a bit more late-night crap than usual lately as well as consuming wine and vodka somewhat regularly.  All of that wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so stagnant all the time.  But now, while they still fit, my pants have felt a bit tighter as of late, which is frustrating as fuck.  I’ve already cut back on the snacks, and I think I need not drink every night, honestly, so that’s easy-ish.  I’ve actually started walking my down to the end of the street and back (even jogging ever so slightly), but as for anything substantial…I’m a slacker.

There are a couple of local exercise classes I could take, some are even free, but do I go?  Noooooo.  That’d be too easy.  I have excuses for everything.  I want to be able to go with a group of people–I feel that would motivate me more than just going alone, or if I could have someone else to hold me accountable I think I’d be able to accomplish something.

I’m far too self-conscious about working out, though.  I live on a hilly-ass street that would probably be great for just walking, even jogging if I could work up to it, but I don’t want all of my neighbors to see me struggling, and the dog is far too spastic to take him with me.

Anyone else have this issue?  I suppose looking and feeling healthier should be motivation enough, but when you’ve been chubby/overweight your whole life, and you don’t know anything else, it’s hard to get to that point.  I don’t know what I’d look like thin.  I’m fortunate in that I’m tall, so my weight is a bit more evenly distributed, and that things like boobs can weigh up to ten pounds each, and I think I genuinely have dense bones but still…


~ by raspychick on March 20, 2012.

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