I Can Sleep When I’m Dead

I love how people seem to think that if they say, “You should get more sleep” that my body will automatically comply.  Like it’s that fucking simple.

I was getting a shot yesterday and the nurse said that I had dark circles under my eyes.  This is nothing new to me; the level of darkness is always the crap shoot.  She told me I needed to get more sleep, to try to get more sleep.

What?  You mean I could have MORE sleep?

I understand that she had good intentions with this statement, and since she’s in the healthcare profession, her words carry more weight than the average person who declares that I must be tired.  But if I was able to get more sleep, don’t you think that I would?

I don’t understand this one.

Now, I realize that most people aren’t privy to the fact that I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was about five (or, as the sperm donor liked to “say,” I’ve been “pulling this shit” since then).  Obviously, I can’t really help it if I’ve had issues for that long; “bedtime” is usually when my mind starts to work overtime and I keep myself up for hours.  Worrying, panicking, whatever.  It’s usually the first chance my mind gets to process the shit of the day, so there you go.  Even if I’m not obsessing over something, I rarely fall asleep within minutes of laying down.  It’s usually a process that takes half an hour, forty minutes.  And since I’m a night owl, it equals not a lot of sleep.

You might be wondering what a five year old could be stressed about; you might think that there’d be nothing more than which Barbie to play with or what to color.  However, when you hear your parents fight or worry about if one of them is going to walk out again or if there’s money (yes–one of my parentals frequently told me about financial situations as I was growing up, which I soooo appreciated)…I was a little kid with shit on her mind.  Hence why I grind my teeth/clench my jaw as well.

At any rate, if getting more sleep was as easy as having someone instruct you to do so…yeah.  It’d be nice, eh?

This sentiment ranks just below people who say shit like, “Smile!  It’s not that bad!”  Fuck off, how would you know?  Personally, the resting position of my face isn’t to smile, so if I’m not smiling, it doesn’t mean that I’m pissed, it just means that I’m stuck in neutral, or daydreaming.  Secondly, don’t presume to know shit about my life; it could actually be that bad.

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~ by raspychick on January 20, 2012.

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